A few weeks ago in dark early morning, I slipped on ice I had not seen on the top step of my front porch and tumbled to down four steps to the front yard. The police arrived 10 minutes later thanks to neighbors who heard my wails of distress. An ambulance arrived soon after, and following surgery to re-attach my upper-quad tendons to my knees, I’ve been recuperating. A friend brought my guitar, and I play it whenever I can here. Last night I wrote a song about a milestone transition every serious male patient will understand. I hope you like it.
Celebration of Transition
by Job Conger
written January 23, 2013
Here at Memorial Medical Center,
When Mother Nature calls,
It’s hard to respond gracefully
When she has you by the balls,
But that one-liter container
With its wide-mouth plastic cap,
Will provide your sweet salvation
When it’s pee time.
(Chorus) So I’m givin’ up, givin’ up,
My old plastic urinal.
Useful in its day,
Now I’m throwing it away.
Yes, I’m givin’ up, givin’ up
My old plastic urinal
It’s time for me to stand up for myself.
Patients spending hours and hours in bed
Don’t naturally want to drink,
So Saline Solution dripping from an
I V bag does what you think.
Even so it’s wise to imbibe water
Taken through a sippy straw
And from there it must pass often
Out your body
It was mine before knee surgery
And for five days after, too.
It was there when I was ready to burst
From drinking ice water all day through.
It was there when Mr. Sandman sang his lullaby sweet song
Gee, what more could a fellow ask from a bottle
With a handle?
Live long . . . . and proper.