I can almost hear the management meeting as WUIS public radio prepared the commercial for a coming concert . . . . “Just DON’T use the ‘B’ word, Larry. It would be so de clase and un-public-service of us if we use the ‘B’ word.”
“I know,” says Adrianna. “We’ll just use the first and middle names. It will be oh so sweet.”
Applause and thundering body checks all around.
Let me state I KNOW nothing of what I’ve said thus far. It’s all my speculation. When you hear someone speak the lyric, “Bye bye Miss American . . . . .” you frikking expect the last word to be lincluded; right? What the dash is wrong with pie?
I used to love getting together with my pal Jack Daniels. His taste was always first class. I generally felt a heck of a lot better after engaging his heart-warming company. Neat, he was supremely smooth and inspiring. Would I ever share the rest of his name?
Absolutely, but first let me ‘xplain why. No nine year old or even late-pubescent reader is going to be wasting his or her time reading Honey and Quinine. Saying the rest of Jack’s name will not incite innocents to depredation and delinquency, and I hasten to predict lack of same from adults who read it. His full name is Jack Daniels Whiskey.
Can you imagine what Samuel Adams’ (Adams’s if you lost the Civil War) last name is? I’ll tell it to you straight: it’s Samuel Adams Beer.
The HOLLOL, the HOLLOL! as Saburo Conrad might have said.
Is there a standards and practices bureau that forbids mention of the “b” word on public radio? Or are our timid friends at WUIS simply sparing innocent eels — make that ears — from the stain of hops and barley? I suspeck — as #43 might say — that it’s the latter. So let’s give them the right to their little incipient faux pas, nipped in the “B_d,” so to speaq and share a short chort’ over the success of their quaint deception, shall we?
And if you encounter my pal Jack Daniels, tell him I look forward to reacquainting myself with him.
Gotta find a full-time employer first.
Live long . . . . . . and proper.
