How Imus Could Have Beaten the Rap

. . . . no pun intended.

Pictured here: Sluch Dog - Springfield resident, and polemical satarist
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You’d think broadcasters would have spotted the pot hole on the rainbowed high trail to white crinoline civil tonguery by now, but they have not, so it’s up to me to share it with you. I was all set to tell you about election judging at Precinct 50 and the great week I’m having susbstitute teaching when I heard a National Public Radio news reader say, “The Supreme Court today ruled that the medical procedure which opponents call ‘partial birth abortions’ can be declared illegal unders state law.” I wondered why NPM news readers didn’t use the phrase common among those who are neither proponents or opponents: “intact dilation and extraction.” Could the reason be that the outspoken opponents of the procedure would chafe at the necessity of viewing it fairly instead of in mindless lock-step with their sacrosanct brethern and sistern? I believe yes, it could be. But if Don Imus had considered this back handed sleight of phrase dynamic before he put his verbal toe (I said toe) into the ears of innocent divinities whose lives are made and ruined by fast-talking bigots, he might be working today.

Picture tomorrow’s headline: “The leader of the Western World, whom opponents call ‘a malicious, deceitful, truthless, bag of incompetence” met with congressional leaders to seek resolution of the current mpasse regarding Iraq War funding.” or “The head resident of the White House, whom opponents call “a smarmy, conscienceless blight on the world community of sentient life forms” said he will continue to support our nation’s top attorney whom opponents call “a shamelss political boy-toy.”

How radio stations founded and funded to be neutral broadcast media can vomit the venom right wing theocrats swallow like Chateu Rothschild Port with one side of their mouths while assaulting the same corporation for being the tool of Texan spin Libras with the other side . . . . . well ladies and germs, it just bothers the (what opponents call” “semi-solid waste effluent” out of me! .

If he had the good sense to adopt the approach of more than one national news medium has adopted as its untouchable approach, he might be working as you read this instead of sitting home counting his millions. Gee, the human inanity, the humanlytariousness! Excoriate the bastardosses!! So next time I want to talk about the man opponents call “the Chicago errand puppet of scoundrels who has no interest in desecrating the Executive Mansion with his overnight presemce (which, on balance probably benefits Springfield residents with sensitive olfactory equipment,),” I will demonstrate the lesson Imus should have understood as the population of what friends call “an almost-perfect country if it weren’t for so many of them and so few of us,” continues to holy itself ever closer to their dreamed-of Armageddon.

Thanks for reading this.

Live long . . . . . and proper.