DATELINE: classroom Friday:
From my desk 25 feet away, I heard her say, “He ain’t no ree teachyanyway.” and I replied in a voice the whole class could hear as I continued to focus my face on the lesson plan I was reading silently up to then,”I beg to differ, miss. If I weren’t a real teacher, I would not have lasted six years as a subsitute teacher.” She reacted as though I had just tried to steal a barbecue mini-weenie from her paper plate at the annual Black White and Chemically Altered Consciousness-Inducing Libations Festival.
So she say, “I don’t care what YOU say, I tain’t TAHkina you!”
So I says, “You are mistaken. When you talk loudly enough for me to hear what you say, you are talking to me, and you will do a favor for yourself if you keep that in mind.”
HHHHRUUUUJMMPF! (<—- big loogie of boss-righteous indignation)
So I’m driving home and on Molsn and Lee on WMAY they’re talking about the pathetically disrespectful, miscogynistic, hate the piz, F-word N-word H-word (which used to be the W-word) B-word (coming soon, an alphabet of -words to your Amerikan PC Dissinairy) and how that’s okay; no double standard there because . . . . . . WHY? Weh, becose . . . . . WHY? Wa? (giggle, giggle, giggle) ci ZEY ain’TAHkina WHY foze!
TILT . . . . TILT . . . . TILT . . . . . . INSERT QUARTER. . . . . BEGIN NEW GAME
YO listen thee up, my brother and sister sharing a common top of the primate totem pole, Do you for a living nanosecond believe Don Imus was talking to YOU? If you do, you are clearly reacting to some noxious chemical agent in those barbecue mini-weenies that doesn’t react with my internal workings. Fact is, our brother Don ain’t TAHkina YOU. Can you dig it, my brothers and sisters?
So no more bashing the pinball machine, okay? It’s wrong for you to slap it around, and it’s wrong for me to slap it around too, right?. I will no longer intrude into your conversations without an invitation. And you will not hurl the shake-down scythe of your Sharpton-sanctified righteousness into conversations I’m having wi my posse, STRAIGHT? You say I will dang-sho-KNOW when yebee tahkina me? KEWL! And I’ll be sure you will know when I’ll addressing you. In the meantime, we will celetrate our cultural diversity without becoming pests. at each others’ picnicks, OKAY?
What? What do you mean it doesn’t work that way? You can dis me and your sisters and the Police (”Eveery step you take, every move you make, every vow you brake, every nut-topped cake, I’ll be watching you.”) all you want, even when I complain . . . . . and I can’t say things that YOU tell me diss you? WHY?
On account of ….. on account of Affirmative Dissaction?
You know, there are some days when a submarine teacher can’t win against a room full of nouveau-deist school-high freshmen!
(s i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i g h )
Thanks for reading this.
Live long . . . . . and proper.
